Tiger Woods to Hit the Box (Office)?

There’s a sex tape of Tiger nailing a birdie on the 8th or 9th green out there somewhere, probably hidden in someone’s The Curious Case of Benjamin Button DVD case, but nobody is bringing out the oversized checks yet, because it’s hard to make out whether it’s really Tiger Woods’ red nike shirt on the floor.  Just because there is a woman screaming ‘do me Tiger,’ a black ass, and occasional fist pumping, mid-hump, doesn’t mean it’s Tiger Woods.  If TMZ hasn’t posted the video already, it’s probably not gonna’ happen, but that’s not stopping Hollywood producers from dreaming up a silver screen flick featuring members of the Film Actors Guild.

Hollywood producers are reportedly desperate to make a film about Tiger Woods.  According to the Daily Star, filmmakers believe that the recent stories of Woods’s infidelity would be suitable for a TV movie.

They are allegedly hoping that Cuba Gooding Jr will agree to take on the title role.

“It will make a great movie as people love to see someone fall from the top and try to pick up the pieces of their life,” a source said. “Tiger’s scandal just proves the world’s biggest sportsman is human. Now the race is on to make the film while the public is still interested in the story.”

Personally, I like the idea behind the photoshopped movie poster sent to me by a buddy of mine.  Broke Black Golfer could get serious legs.  Tiger Woods continues to lose money from sponsors while his crafty wife, Elin Nordegren-Woods, drains him of more and more money.  Last I heard, Woods gave Elin a meager $300 million Christmas present and probably a Wii Fit, so she can work off any extra calories she’s put on from eating ice cream and sitting on the couch watching Tin Cup.

There are plenty of ideas for casting a Woods flick, and Cuba Gooding Jr. probably makes the most sense to play Tiger Woods because he was in Men of Honor. Plus, I imagine, with him it makes using the line to his body guards, “Show me another mistress!” all the more likely (“I wish I could quit at two” would also be acceptable).

In all seriousness, a movie is going to happen one day and it’s going to be brilliant.  Michael Bay could even direct it because he’s good at creating lots of explosions.

I’ve abstained from commenting on the Tiger saga through much of the recent developments, but that’s because I’ve been waiting for this movie.  I need this.  Our perverse world needs this.  And Tiger may very well need the royalties one day.

About Bob Biscigliano

Bob is a writer of s(p)orts