Keep Harold Baines Away From Your Kids, Bonderman Returns to the Bump, and Kobe’s “Scary” Face… WTF?

The last few days have been good in the Detroit sports world.  The Red Wings blasted the Pittsburgh Penguins in Game 5 of the Stanley Cup Finals, as Chris Osgood blanked the Pens 5-0 at Joe Louis Arena.  Wings center Pavel Datsyuk returned to the ice after a seven game layoff due to an ankle injury, and played 17 productive minutes.  Datsyuk and Marian Hossa combined for 3 assists and a +3 rating, as Hossa looked much more comfortable playing once again alongside his playmaker who creates so much space for his wingers.  John Mapplethorpe enjoyed the game in the Detroiter-friendly confines of the Tin Lizzie in Lincoln Park, Illinois.  The bar was packed with red and white winged wheels, and “Let’s go Red Wings” chants continually rang out into the Chicago streets on a warm spring night.  It was truly a beautiful thing.  Game 6 is Tuesday night at 8pm ET in Pittsburgh.  Incidentally, the Wings won last year’s Stanley Cup in Pittsburgh, with a Game 6 victory.  Weird, I know.

Le Tigre have won three in a row after taking the last two games of a home series with the Anaheim Angels of Los Angeles in conjunction with West Covina and associated loosely with Inglewood, and the first game of a doubleheader today with the White Sox at U.S. Cellular.  The Tigers won all three of these games in dramatic fashion, as Edwin Jackson hurled a gem Saturday to win a 2-1 nail-biter, Clete Thomas popped a grand slam in the bottom of the 8th inning to clinch the Angels series Sunday, and Brandon Inge hit a seeing-eye single between the shortstop and third baseman in the ninth inning today to edge the Sox 5-4.  John Mapplethorpe is dedicated to Detroit4lyfe.com and his career as a journalist, so he went over to U.S. Cellular this past Saturday to scout the White Sox against the Indians.  The scouting report?  Well, their line-up sucks, their pitching is subpar, and their defense is average.  Your welcome.  John did enjoy calling Harold Baines a child molestor from his “choice” (as Ferris Bueller would say) seats along the first baseline, and actually a new phrase was coined for a move that is in a class with the “Dirty Sanchez” and the “Buckin’ Bronco”.  It’s called the “Baines Reins” and it involves a thumb and a certain body orifice that shall remain nameless, and I think I’ll stop there because this is a family site, after all.   Tonight Jeremy Bonderman makes his long-awaited return from surgery last year, and in an interesting night cap that could result in a score more typical of a Colts-Patriots game, faces Jose Contreras, who hasn’t pitched in a month since losing his first 5 starts this season.

Finally, what’s up with that stupid face that Kobe Bryant keeps making in the NBA playoffs?  Apparently he thinks having a severe underbite is intimidating:

And maybe it is, what do I know?  Alpacas are a little unnerving I guess:

But this fad is unfortunately gaining legs around the country.  John McCain tried on the “Kobe face” in a recent Congressional session after a colleague attempted to refute a statement McCain had made:

And crazy Tom Cruise has stolen Kobe’s look as he immerses himself in a role as a ruthless assassin in an upcoming flick:

 

So I have a request for Kobe:  Retire the underbite face, bud, it makes you look ridiculous and we need this trend to stop.

Go Wings!

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Bob Biscigliano

About Bob Biscigliano

Bob is a writer of s(p)orts, fan of Detroit and an asshole with a great kitchen.

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