Female Sprinter Might Be A Man; Usain Bolt Might Not Be Human

semenya

It’s not often you’ll see this blog talking about track. Here at Detroit4lyfe, we tend to blog about real sports. We’re not trying to be the best at blogging about exercising. However, the type of stories I’m about to shed light on don’t happen often and a lot of people are being drawn to it like ESPN to Brett Favre. It’s a love affair. And let’s be honest people — we’ll all act like we’re really interested and, all of a sudden, become temporary big fans, but in a week we’ll forget this ever happened and probably return to our regular scheduled programs. Brett Favre? Oh no, ESPN and Brett Favre will always have each other.

Anyway, let’s start with probably the more interesting story. As many of you already heard yesterday, a South African female sprinter, Caster Semenya, was notified just hours before a race that she would need to undergo a gender test to determine whether or not “she,” is actually a she. If it is discovered that Semenya is actually a shim (possesses male chromosomes), I presume the International Association of Athletics Federations will disqualify her from future events and draw a picture of a tiny penis, in place of an asterisk, next to all her prior records, if not completely erase them.

It won’t go without controversy, though. It’s not something she chose, or did on purpose. She didn’t knowingly inject testosterone into her body — it just comes with the unfortunate condition (or fortunate if you’re a female athlete and can get away with it). AIS intersexuality conditions occur in one out of every 13,000 people worldwide and often go unknown unless tested. This was the case with Indian athlete Santhi Soundarajan, who failed a gender test at the 2006 Asian games.  I’d guess this is awfully humiliating for Semenya, but I think the IAAF has a pretty fair concern. If it looks, runs, and smells like a man, it’s probably a man. And just look at her name: Caster “I Produce” Semen…..ya.  If that doesn’t sell it, then maybe the adam’s apple the size of her balls will.

I also wonder if they’ll start doing gender tests on male athletes who are performing below average. For example, I can almost guarantee you that a Jason Grilli gender test would reveal high levels of estrogen.  It would help explain so much.

Of course, when I first heard the news that Semenya was asked to take a gender test, I immediately thought of Austin Powers:

Then there is Usair Bolt. On Sunday, the Jamaican sprinter shattered the 100-meter record and came back four days later to set the world record in the 200-meter. As a result, he has pretty much earned himself the title as, “Fastest Man on Planet Earth,” from anyone who has cared to notice.  Besides, isn’t Bolt just about the most fitting name for a runner? Everyone had to know as soon as he came out of his mother’s womb (at a world record speed) that he was going to be one of the world’s fastest runners. It’d be sort of like if my name were Bob Bloggeriano. Not to take anything away from him and his more than impressive records, but it’s just too bad he can’t use his speed to run routes or track down fly balls in the gap.

Anyway, here’s the clip of Bolt breaking the 200-meter world record while a foreign announcer excitedly calls his 19.2 seconds and wets his pants:

About Bob Biscigliano

Bob is a writer of s(p)orts, fan of Detroit, southpaw, movie quoter, a-hole with a great kitchen, one hell of a model American

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