The funny thing about A.J. Pierzynski and my hatred for him is I get text messages from my few Chicago White Sox fan friends all the time asking me, “What did A.J. ever do to deserve your hate toward him?” My response is always, “he’s a douche,” because I don’t have all the time in the world to go through every single circumstance that makes me hate his guts. Where would I start? His hair? Getting in the face of Michael Barrett after he collided with him at home plate and subsequently getting his lights punched out? His face? Mocking Carlos Zambrano after hitting a bomb off him? …His hair?
Well, tonight A.J. just provided me with reason number 142,485.
Dontrelle Willis was pitching to him in the bottom of the 4th in a 1-1 game when Willis threw a wild pitch that sailed up and in on Pierzynski. Naturally, A.J. went into douche mode and stared at Willis like it was on purpose. Nevermind that Willis has suffered through massive control problems these past couple years (15 walks in 25 innings this season after today), and in this game he had already thrown a wild pitch in the first inning. On the very next pitch, A.J. got sawed off and grounded out weakly to second base. As he sauntered off the field, A.J. made a point to say a few words to Willis, presumably about the high cheese chin music he was delivered the pitch before:
Dontrelle obviously heard what A.J. had to say and took exception. Below is Dontrelle throwing his hands up in disgust saying, “Douche, I mean dude, don’t you know who I am? I’m Dontrelle Willis. I have no idea where the ball is going half the time, that was definitely not on purpose. (But now I wish it was).”
A.J. Pierzynski tried to run off the field and get away with whatever it was he said, like some coward, but Tigers’ catcher Gerald Laird was not going to let him get off that easy. He comes in to defend his pitcher like a true teammate:
From the replays, Miguel Cabrera clearly did not see A.J. say anything to Dontrelle. He may have heard something, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t. That didn’t matter. He knew exactly who was involved in this mess and immediately entered the equation to give his best death stare which made Pierzynski cower like an abused doggy.
Once A.J. saw that Dontrelle Willis and the other Tigers were running into the picture, he immediately put his hands up as if he wanted a take back on what he said. It’s clear at this point he realizes he’s weak and just wants to go back to the dugout in one piece. Meanwhile, Gordon Beckham waits in the wings as he just wants to freaking bat to try and get out from the sub-one hundred batting average hole he finds himself in.
The best part about the benches clearing was probably Joel Zumaya. Zoom was not going to pitch tonight no matter what, so he was in the clubhouse presumably receiving treatment. He was obviously keeping a close eye on the game because he was out on the field, jersey-less, in no time to get a piece of A.J. Pierzynski. Just take a peek at that glare. Looks eerily similar to the one I practice in the mirror every day in case I ever come face to face with Pierzynski:
After things were starting to cool down and the teams were returning to their respective dugouts/locations, the Chicago broadcasters, Ken Harrelson and Steve Stone (who are up there with Pierzynski on the all-time hate list) shower A.J. with (perhaps sarcastic) praise as they blame the entire bench clearing situation on Tigers catcher Gerald Laird. Harrelson also goes on to claim that there’s a halo above A.J’s head, even though we all know that’s just the shine from his dyed hair. A.J. gives his best Keanu Reeves acting to his teammates while swearing, “I didn’t do anything, honestly!”
Pierzynski was definitely dome jobbed by the entire thing as he finished the game 0-4 and still as one of baseball’s biggest douchebags. Congratulations, A.J.